We tend to think of our negative emotions as varying in intensity — a little worry here, a touch of anger there, a mild spell of sadness. But that is not actually how these states work for many of us. We do not experience them in small doses. We are engulfed by them. One small trigger and we are in it completely. This is not a character flaw. It is a very specific phenomenon — and once you understand it, you gain real power over it.
Smitten: What It Actually Means
When we worry, we do not just worry a little bit — we worry all of it. A little bit of worry and we are allergic to it. A little bit of anger and there is an allergic reaction. A little bit of self-pity and there is an allergic reaction. We have sensitivity to it. It is a double-edged sword.
When we worry, we are not just a little bit worried — we are smitten by worry. When we are in a little bit of self-pity, we are not just in a little — we are smitten by self-pity. When we get into anger, it is not just a little bit — we are smitten by anger. When we are in self-pity, we are oozing it from every pore.
Smitten means obsessed. It means engulfed. It is like a spell — it takes over. We are smitten by whatever hits us, and we walk around with that negative energy. Worry, self-pity, anxiety, depression — they all come in this way. Remorse, guilt, self-loathing — we do not just get a little bit of guilt. We are smitten by it.
Learning to Recognize the Physical Indicators
Because the emotional state takes over so completely, we have to learn to look for physical indicators that we are entering the wrong realm — before we get into a massive hole. The indicators to watch for: that knot in the stomach. Anxiety. The lack of sleep at night. These are the early warning signals that the self has taken back control and is operating in fear.
The moment we notice them, we have an opportunity. We are not yet in the hole — we are at the edge of it. And from the edge, we can still turn around.
The Four Signs of Emotional Insecurity
The four main indicators of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. Recognizing which one is active in us at any given moment is the first step of self-searching. When we are in an emotional state of worrying a lot, we need to start the process of neutralizing that state. We need to find out why we are worried and what worry is going to get us.
It is hard to recognize anger as emotional insecurity, but that is, in fact, the best label for anger.
When someone is being a tyrant — yelling, intimidating, saying mean things — it is important to know that the source of this behavior is emotional insecurity. The person trying to overpower us is actually feeling insecure. This recognition changes our response entirely. We do not have to react; we can simply observe that someone is in emotional distress and not take it as a personal attack.
When Obsessive Thinking Will Not Stop
One of the most common questions about this process is: why is it so hard to let go of obsessive thoughts, even when we know they are hurting us?
Here is the honest answer: your mind is doing nothing different than it has always done. You are just becoming aware of it for the first time. You cannot be free from something you cannot see. So the awareness itself — even of how negative and relentless your thinking is — is a form of progress, not a sign that things are getting worse.
The next step is treatment: going to God with your thoughts and asking for them to be redirected. Good thoughts, good feelings, and good actions can be put where the bad ones are simply by asking for God’s thoughts when you become aware of the bad ones. Do not panic when you start to become aware of how troubled your mind has been. Be happy — for the first time, you are seeing what has blocked you all your life. Now the thoughts can change. With the help of God, by taking them to God and asking for the thoughts you should have.
Our sole job is to find the goodness in whatever it is that is happening. That is it. That is the whole job.
- “Smitten” means engulfed and obsessed — we do not experience worry or anger in small doses; once it starts, it takes over completely
- Physical indicators (knot in stomach, anxiety, poor sleep) are early warning signs you are entering the wrong realm — catch them before the hole
- Worry, anger, self-pity, and depression are all forms of emotional insecurity — recognizing which one is active gives you a handle on it
- Anger in others is emotional insecurity — recognizing this removes the intimidation and allows you to not react personally
- Obsessive thoughts feel like something going wrong — but becoming aware of them is actually the first sign of things going right
- The treatment: bring every negative thought to God and ask for it to be redirected; you cannot be free from something you cannot see
Ready to Transform Your Thought-Life?
Explore our personal coaching services or browse our audio resources to continue your growth journey.