TLC Assignment for the week of January 19-25, 2012
The description of Emotional Insecurity is found on page 52 of The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Read pages 22, 1st paragraph, 50-54, and 89-90 and the TLC Applications below. Then write on the assignment given here. Post your realizations, findings, in the Comments section below this post.
Learn to recognize when
Worry, Anger, Self-Pity and Depression start coming up…
When you find yourself going there, look at instincts gone astray,
look at close personal relationships, and the
freedom that lies in getting instincts restored to normalcy.
“The tyrant erratic emotion wielded a double-edged sword over us: first we were smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go on, and then by an allergy of the body that insured we would ultimately destroy ourselves in the process.”
When we worry, we don’t just worry a little bit, we worry all of it. So a little bit of worry, we’re allergic to it. A little bit of anger, there’s an allergic reaction. A little bit of self-pity, there’s an allergic reaction. We have sensitivity to it. It is a double-edged sword.
We learned to look for physical indicators that we’re listening to Self, again. To learn to start to see these indicators before we get into that massive hole. Those indicators are that knot in our stomach, anxiety, the lack of sleep at night.
When we worry we’re not just a little bit worried, we’re smitten by worry. When we are in a little bit of self-pity we’re not just in a little, we’re smitten by self-pity. When we get into anger it isn’t just a little bit, we’re smitten by anger. When we’re in a little bit of self-pity, we’re oozing it from every pore. We’re smitten by it.
Smitten means obsessed. It means engulfed – it’s like a spell, it takes over. We are smitten by whatever hits us, and we walk around with that negative energy. Worry, self-pity, anxiety, depression, all these things that come into us. Remorse, guilt, self-loathing- we don’t just get a little bit of guilt, we’re smitten by guilt.
Our sole job is to find the goodness in whatever it is that’s happening.
12 Step Workshop “Causes & Conditions” July 27, 2008
Self-Searching and The Instincts…
Part One
Self searching is a means by which we can learn to explore ourselves, find out what is going on with us, and where our feelings, thoughts and actions are coming from in our current life. Self-searching is not necessarily only needed when we’re in trouble, but it is a great daily routine to ask ourselves the questions: “How am I feeling today? What’s going on with me? How has the theme of my thoughts been? How have my feelings been lately?” What is it that is going on for us that we can do some internal investigation on?
For instance, the process of doing this is applied when we’re in the state of emotional insecurity. Learning to recognize emotional insecurity is to know the four main indicators that are worry, anger, self-pity and depression. When we’re in an emotional state of worrying a lot, then we need to start the process of neutralizing that state. We need to find out why we’re worried and what worry is going to get us. And also to look at where worry has taken us before, which is usually irritability, restlessness, and an inability to sleep. We can’t shut our minds off and our emotions seem to be all over the map. When we get in this state, to quiet down we need to identify the source of the worry… What is causing the consistency of worry , or anger, or self-pity or depression.
It’s hard to recognize anger as emotional insecurity but that is, in fact, the best label for anger.
When we see angry people or we find ourselves in an angry state, we can recognize that it is emotional insecurity. A lot of times when we get around angry people we might feel intimidated, cautious or apprehensive, and sometimes overwhelmed. One of the things that can neutralize this is to acknowledge that anger is indicative of emotional insecurity. When someone is being a tyrant, yelling and screaming, intimidating, saying mean things, being aggressive, it is important to know that the source of this behavior is stemming from a sense of emotional insecurity. The person who is trying to overpower us is actually feeling insecure so it doesn’t become so intimidating to us, or we don’t have to react to it. Looking at ourselves when we’re in a state of anger, irritability and aggressiveness, or erratic emotions, we can recognize now that we have been in a state of emotional insecurity that needs to be arrested. We need to quiet it down.
The best way to quiet down emotional swings is to probe the three primary instincts of security, sex and society. In terms of worry, we can look at: how are our finances right now, how are our personal relationships, and how do we feel about who we are in the world. Emotional insecurity is triggered a lot by financial concerns and pressures. If we find ourselves with those concerns and pressures the best way to neutralize them is to recognize that we are having a false dependency. Do we want to be dependent on materialism for our emotional security, or would we rather be dependence on something greater than ourselves, that being our creator, and the truth about our creator. Because life is not about making money or having money…
Money is important when it comes to first things first: food, shelter, and clothing. If it is a concern of those three, then it is also important to give ourselves room and know that we are under a burden to provide for those. In those instances we need to look for the solutions and not be driven by those needs. Taking action toward solutions removes worry, anger, self-pity and depression. These elements can’t be there when we’re thinking about what actions we can take to organize ourselves to create structure that will allow us to create more income and financial stability in our lives.
Affirming again that our dependency is on our creator and ask our creator, “What can I give to create more income?”
If it is a personal relationship, the same thing applies. “What can I give to make this relationship healthier, stronger and to make it more connected?” Sometimes if we are in a relationship that is in trouble, the giving is not asking to be reassured. The giving is to hold our own emotions and not be needy or overly dependent. The giving can be expressing loving thoughts to the person in a card. In the midst of hard times in a relationship, where there is anger and hurt, nothing will break the ice like expressing terms of endearment when it might be least expected, while we’re in conflict. This neutralizes the anxieties, worries, and self-pity surrounding personal relationships.
Self-searching and looking at the instincts is so important because the instincts operate below the level of consciousness. Now when we do this self-searching process we are able to bring forth from the level of the subconscious to the conscious these concerns, as opposed to letting them drive us. The instincts drive us, and once an instinct drives us it produces a concern, or fear. And there are only two kinds of fears: the fear that we will not get what we want or the fear that we will lose what we have. Neutralizing those fears is really not that difficult, as long as we place our dependency on our creator.
To be continued…
Much love,
K.C.
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