TLC Assignment 2/1-7/2012 Contemplate and Define Step 1, Paragraph 1

There is a moment of radical honesty that makes everything else possible. It is the moment when you stop protecting your own version of events and acknowledge something uncomfortable: your thinking — not the circumstances, not the other people, not the timing — has been creating the trouble. This is what is called self-honesty to self. And once you genuinely practice it, a door opens that no amount of effort alone could unlock.

Unreasoned Distortion of Judgment

The first paragraph of Step 1 in the 12 Steps is about self-honesty and the recognition that we have an unreasoned distortion of judgment. Contemplate what that means and look for it in the day that you are in. An unreasoned distortion of judgment is when we perceive something in a stark, negative way that has no real justification — when we take a neutral event and twist it into something threatening, critical, or catastrophic. We do this without realizing it, and we do it automatically.

Develop an awareness of unreasoned distortion of thinking. Look for it in your day. Watch for the moment when you interpret a comment as a criticism, when you read danger into a neutral situation, when you conclude that something is going wrong when there is no evidence that it is. Once you can see it, you can do something about it. You cannot treat what you cannot see.

The Act of Providence

When you find an unreasoned distortion of judgment in yourself, you can fulfill what is called the “act of providence” — going to God with it and asking for it to be removed and realigned. The prayer is simple: “God, can you help me to rearrange this so it becomes a reasonable thought?” That is the first application. Not trying to argue yourself out of the distorted thought by willpower. Not analyzing where it came from. Just offering it to God and asking for a reasonable replacement.

A thought is behind every feeling. When there is any feeling of unease or discomfort — any emotional turbulence — look to an act of providence. Rather than digging into the feeling and amplifying it with analysis, take it directly to God. Ask: “Where would you have me be right now, mentally? Where would you have me be emotionally right now?”

Becoming Impartial to Your Own Thinking

One of the most counterintuitive practices in this work is becoming impartial to your own thinking. We are deeply attached to our thoughts — we tend to believe them automatically and defend them fiercely. But thoughts are not facts. They are proposals. Many of them are distorted proposals built from old fear and old injury. Learning to hold them lightly — to look at them as a somewhat unreliable narrator might — is the beginning of genuine mental freedom.

The affirmation that captures this practice is: “I do not want to manage my own life. I offer it back to you.” This is not resignation or helplessness. It is the recognition that the self, left to its own devices, tends to create the same problems over and over — and that a Power Greater than the self can do better, if given the room to work.

When you find yourself back in that cycle — when the knot returns, when the worry spins up, when the old distortions return — simply recognize it: “I have taken it back. I am trying to manage my own life again.” And then offer it back. Not once, but over and over throughout the day, until the practice becomes natural.