What if all of your fears, taken to their logical conclusion, lead to exactly the same place? And what if that place reveals that virtually every fear you carry is not real — at least not yet, and perhaps not ever? There is a liberating way to examine the fears that have been running your life, and it starts with a simple but radical question: what am I actually afraid of, and where does that fear end if I follow it all the way through?
This Moment Has Never Happened Before
When you seem to be caught up in life and you think everything is repeating itself, think again. Remember this moment you are in — including right now — has never, ever happened before. Think about how we take this for granted when we are in a state of sadness too long, or we get into stress too often, forgetting that this moment is entirely new. Our whole lives can and do change in one day.
There are only two fears in life: the fear that things will not stay good when they are going well, and the fear that things are only going to get worse. That is it. Two fears. Not that big of a deal when you think about it — but we must learn to deal with them and expose them for what they are, to take the power out of them.
Taking the Fear All the Way Through
Every fear, when you take it all the way through, leads to death. If you are not dead, then all fears are not real — they are self-created. Take flying, for instance. What are you actually afraid of when you say you are afraid of flying? “I am afraid the plane is going to crash and I will die.” This is a false scenario unless it has already happened. Then comes the other part: “I do not like not having control. My life is in someone else’s hands and that makes me afraid.” Even when the statistics are explained, the fear remains. Why?
Because people are not actually afraid of flying. Flying is just where their fears have decided to place themselves. Fear is running in people all the time, and flying is one place they can point to. Nobody can tell them that is not acceptable, so the fear goes unattended. The same is true of people who fear sharks but never go in the ocean, or who fear snakes they will never encounter. These are not specific fears — they are free-floating anxiety looking for an acceptable address.
Fears vs. Concerns
Get in touch with the moment you are in and look at your fears. Express them. Take them all the way through. Then take the power out of them. See how they are way too severe. Quiet them down with your Creator and ask your Creator to show you the truth about your fears. And start to use the term “concern” rather than “fear” in your life.
I find it a lot easier to look at problems in life as concerns rather than fears. I may have financial concerns, but I do not want to have financial fears. When I am in fear I cannot move and I cannot be positive. When I cannot move, I cannot take positive action. So I become negative and create more fear — unreasonable fears that make me freeze. Then I cannot see a solution because I have made my problem bigger than it is.
When fear is that strong it starts to create that which you fear the most, and your problems get stronger. What you need is for your solutions to get stronger, not your fears. Stop thinking about the problem and, with God, just keep thinking about the solution.
What Actually Helps
Love removes fear. So stay close to your durable qualities — your friends, your family, the people who know you. It does not cost money to be with the people you love. When finances are tight and fear is running strong, remember: when was the last time you were actually homeless? When was the last time you actually starved? The practical reality is almost always far less severe than the fear suggests.
Stop the cycle. Trust in the actions you take. Remember this moment has never happened before — so what are you going to do with it? Worry? Or trust in taking the right actions, knowing that right action is the key to good living? Stop letting your fears run ahead of reality, pulling you away from the beauty that is offered to you all the time. Look at yourself with the love of God in your heart. All fears lead to death. If you are not dead, your fears are not real.
- Every moment is genuinely new — including this one; we take this for granted when stuck in stress and repetitive fear
- There are only two core fears: that things will not stay good, and that they will get worse — all other fears are variations of these two
- Take every fear to its conclusion: it ends in death. If you are not dead, the fear is not real — it is self-created anxiety seeking an address
- Specific phobias (flying, sharks, snakes) are not really about those things — they are free-floating anxiety that needs a place to live
- Replace “fear” with “concern” — a concern invites action; a fear creates paralysis that produces more of what you are afraid of
- Love removes fear; stay close to people who love you, and look at yourself through the lens of God’s love rather than your own anxiety
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