Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The carpet getting pulled out from under…
I remember throughout my recovery dealing with that feeling “the carpet’s going to get pulled out from under me.” I started looking further and further into the depths of my life and the relationships where I had that feeling… Every time I got in a relationship I had to look at that…
As I looked deeper and deeper into the layers of my life and at that ‘carpet getting pulled out from under you,’ it permeates every area of my life. I get in the car and I’m suddenly worried that it’s going to break down… In a relationship, things are going good and then “Uh-oh… Is she going to do something and this is going to go into break-up mode again?” Things are going well at work and then something goes wrong, I didn’t have a good performance and then it’s like “Now I’ve got this black mark and the carpet’s getting pulled out from under me!”
We build a pattern like that on such a deep level, consistently over and over again… Throughout your day you’re waiting for something to go wrong… You get into expectations of the way you want it to go and it doesn’t go that way… We feel good about something and then feel a fool because suddenly we don’t feel good about it… Fooled again… You went for it, you put your heart in it and you were ‘burned again.’
What a feeling you have to deal with when you realize it can invade every area of your life! You can get that feeling in a your morning driving pattern… “It’s usually fast now but now it’s crowded. Uh-oh, I’m going to have a bad day!” We look for signs in our life that are going to indicate whether the day is going to go good or bad instead of recognizing that a Way Of Life allows us to live so that everything is transformed into an asset – even if it’s unpleasant. We ultimately learn that we’ll grow from it, so there is no more “wrong” or “bad.”
You realize that everything can be transcended into an asset… Transformed… That’s what got to happen anyway. Like when someone dies… You think you’ll never get over that… Then the day comes where you haven’t forgotten them, but you’re not in so much pain about it any more. Things have changed… It’s transformed. So ultimately no matter what the experience, no matter how “bad” it is in any one’s life, one day you will get to the point of: It was what it was and now what’s it going to be? Now what am I going to do with it? Because no longer do we have to run around and feel like that’s just the way it’s going to keep on feeling… That feeling that every time something goes good, something’s going to come along to change it and take it away from us.
In a way of life, when you have that feeling of ‘the carpet getting pulled out from under you,’ you have to treat it.
You need to develop an awareness of what is that feeling inside of me, when we’re walking through life looking for some sign that’s going to indicate that things are going to go the wrong way. And stop letting our minds see a sign and then back it with emotion, and go “flat.” Unhappy or depressed… We create a false dependency on something and then fear that it will go away… We become falsely dependent on everything, and in a weirdly, perverted way become falsely dependent on things going wrong.
That is the ultimate twist… Think about it. When we’re more inclined to think that the carpet is going to get pulled out from under us, even way before it might happen, we can’t handle anything good because the minute things get “good” we start to think that the carpet will get pulled out from under us… That is a helluva spot to get to…
Getting out of it is something we can do, one day at a time… One application at a time…
When we think that the carpet is about to get pulled we say: “Uh-uh. I can’t wait for the next great thing to happen according to the grace of God in my life.”
In God’s world, when you don’t think it can get any better, as long as you stay with God and trust in God, it keeps getting better all the time.
Anything is possible in God’s world and you can transcend anything into an asset.
Much love,
K.C.
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