Most of us have felt the pull of emotions we could not quite explain. A wave of worry with no clear cause. A flash of anger that seemed out of proportion. A sadness that hung around long after it should have passed. What if those emotions were not random — but messages from deeper drives operating just below your level of awareness? That is exactly what self-searching reveals, and it changes everything about how you navigate your inner world.
What Is Self-Searching?
Self-searching is a means by which we can learn to explore ourselves, find out what is going on with us, and where our feelings, thoughts and actions are coming from in our current life. Self-searching is not necessarily only needed when we are in trouble, but it is a great daily routine to ask ourselves the questions: “How am I feeling today? What is going on with me? How has the theme of my thoughts been? How have my feelings been lately?” What is going on for us that we can do some internal investigation on?
The Four Signs of Emotional Insecurity
The process of self-searching is especially important when we are in the state of emotional insecurity. Learning to recognize emotional insecurity is to know the four main indicators: worry, anger, self-pity, and depression. When we are in an emotional state of worrying a lot, then we need to start the process of neutralizing that state. We need to find out why we are worried and what worry is going to get us. And also to look at where worry has taken us before, which is usually irritability, restlessness, and an inability to sleep. We cannot shut our minds off and our emotions seem to be all over the map.
It is hard to recognize anger as emotional insecurity, but that is, in fact, the best label for anger.
When we see angry people or we find ourselves in an angry state, we can recognize that it is emotional insecurity. A lot of times when we get around angry people we might feel intimidated, cautious or apprehensive. One of the things that can neutralize this is to acknowledge that anger is indicative of emotional insecurity. When someone is being a tyrant, yelling and screaming, intimidating, saying mean things, being aggressive — it is important to know that the source of this behavior is stemming from a sense of emotional insecurity. The person who is trying to overpower us is actually feeling insecure, so it does not have to be so intimidating to us.
The Three Primary Instincts
The best way to quiet down emotional swings is to probe the three primary instincts: security, sex, and society. In terms of worry, we can look at: how are our finances right now, how are our personal relationships, and how do we feel about who we are in the world. Emotional insecurity is triggered a lot by financial concerns and pressures.
If we find ourselves with those concerns and pressures, the best way to neutralize them is to recognize that we are having a false dependency. Do we want to be dependent on materialism for our emotional security, or would we rather be dependent on something greater than ourselves — our Creator, and the truth about our Creator? Because life is not ultimately about making money or having money.
Money is important when it comes to first things first: food, shelter, and clothing. If there is a concern about those three, then it is important to give ourselves room and know that we are under a burden to provide for those. In those instances we need to look for the solutions and not be driven by those needs. Taking action toward solutions removes worry, anger, self-pity and depression. These elements cannot coexist with purposeful action toward a solution.
Affirming again that our dependency is on our Creator, ask: “What can I give to create more income?”
Applying Self-Searching to Relationships
If the instinct at play is in a personal relationship, the same approach applies. “What can I give to make this relationship healthier, stronger and more connected?” Sometimes if we are in a relationship that is in trouble, the giving is not asking to be reassured. The giving is to hold our own emotions and not be needy or overly dependent. The giving can be expressing loving thoughts to the person in a card. In the midst of hard times in a relationship — where there is anger and hurt — nothing will break the ice like expressing terms of endearment when it might be least expected. This neutralizes the anxieties, worries, and self-pity surrounding personal relationships.
Self-searching and looking at the instincts is so important because the instincts operate below the level of consciousness. When we do this self-searching process we are able to bring forth from the level of the subconscious to the conscious these concerns, as opposed to letting them drive us. The instincts drive us, and once an instinct drives us it produces a concern, or fear. And there are only two kinds of fears: the fear that we will not get what we want, or the fear that we will lose what we have. Neutralizing those fears is really not that difficult, as long as we place our dependency on our Creator.
- Self-searching is a daily inner audit: “How am I feeling, what is driving it, and where is it coming from?”
- The four signs of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression — all point to deeper unmet needs
- Anger is emotional insecurity in disguise; recognizing this in yourself and others defuses its power
- The three primary instincts (security, sex, society) drive most emotional distress when they are out of balance
- False dependency on money or people’s approval triggers insecurity; true security comes from dependency on your Creator
- There are only two core fears: not getting what you want, and losing what you have — and both can be neutralized through trust
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