Tearing Ourselves Down
Looking for when we fall into that melancholy behavior and we get a morbid
satisfaction out of tearing our own self down. This is learning to listen to
the voice of doubt, this is true self doubt. Pride in reverse is to consider the damage it could do, is to think of what people could do in ego, in itself; not willing to take direction. What kind of damage we could create by not having the ability to listen to others or take advice. When we run amuck and we run head strong into things and create disastrous trouble because we got caught up in our ego, we didn't ask for help, we didn't ask for direction we just did what we wanted to do, and we thought we could do it. This is always humiliating. The other side of the ego is not the one that tells you, you can do anything you want, you don't need advice, you don't need anybody else's direction, just go ahead and do it, you've got the right idea, and nobody is as smart as you; is the voice that says you're not smart, you're not educated. We're looking for pride in reverse. Everybody has a script in their head and that script goes really fast, so pay attention as you apply this principle, and let me know where we tear our own self down.
So, we're really looking for specific negative dialogue. It's going to be backed with a script from memory of all the things we've messed up, the other areas in our lives where we didn't do well. That script takes off and we think, "oh my god, I can't do this endeavor, or I'm not good enough for this relationship, or I don't have a relationship because I'm not good enough to be in a relationship, or I'm not good in a relationship, or I pick the wrong people." That's pride in reverse. That kind of dialogue, without god, comes purely from self, and it's almost like beating ourselves up. We're lonely, but we beat ourselves up for being alone, and not having a relationship, when what we really need to do is look at how our qualities are, and how we can have better relationships; maybe take some relationship classes to learn those things, but pride won't let us do that, nor will pride in reverse. So, we're looking for that negative voice that constantly tears us down and it's backed by a script that moves at light speed, with a lot of memories of the things that we messed up. So, we want to slow that process down. We want to catch that in the midst of it, recognize that this is pride in reverse, return back to God. Remove all identity of pride, and ask God to give us the truth about what our abilities are, what that negative self talk is and how we can counter it with God's help.
So, it's a real tricky voice to listen to and to hear, don't be disappointed if it takes a while, keep asking God for the awareness of that negative voice where we tear our own self down; so, we can identify pride in reverse. Recognize that this is like drinking cyanide and thinking that you're not going to get sick. That's how devastating that voice is, so we really want to catch it. When you do catch it, follow that feeling in the areas of your life where it has undermined things before, and when you find where it has undermined things, I want you to rearrange it with God as to what you should have done; what would have been the right approach, and what also is the right way to look at it with never ever tearing ourselves down again.
This application is to make a vow (so if you're not ready to make a vow, then maybe you're not ready to make that vow, then maybe you're not ready for this
application), but if you are ready to make that vow, that vow is never claim
ignorance ever again as a reason for tearing your own self down. To tear ones own self down is absolutely a lack of intelligence. Alcoholics and drug addicts are not unintelligent people. We are an intelligent crew, so that tells us it's pure ignorance to ever to tear ourselves down, to ever look downtrodden upon ourselves, to think that we can't, to think we're not good enough, we're not educated enough, we don't have enough knowledge or enough networking abilities. All those things that we can't and dont have, have to leave and be abandoned, even if one at a time.
So, as we become aware of this voice and the fact that it's tearing us down, and we accept that it's pure ignorance, that we ever did tear ourselves down, or we do today is unacceptable from this point forward one day at a time. When you become aware of it, it's a very healthy pattern to realize the lack of nurturing we've given our own selves, and with God's grace, not with ego, not with pride. We want to take note of the things we are capable of. We want to write that script now with the grace of God in our lives and this requires a book of humble moments. We've talked about that before, where we write down some of those omniscient sequence of events that have come down in our lives, in which God has done for us which we could never do for ourselves. Maybe how we designed something to go a certain way, and God intervened and took it another way, and we resisted it we were totally against it, but at the end of the day it was far better than anything we could have planned. We want to recognize by the grace of God, we want God's plan for us. Our destiny, God where is my destiny? Where would you have me go, what is the script that I should refer to when I think about my abilities and what I'm capable of? Because what we're looking at is a detrimental aspect of the mind when we're looking at the reverse side of pride, and ego, and the destructive abilities of it. We're learning to realize there's no compromise with that character, with that negative, dark voice. Now we're going to use our intelligence the proper way, with the grace of God to find out how to rescript that automatic script. When discover and you see those sequence of negative images that go on in your mind of why you don't measure up or why you're no good. It's time to rewrite that script with the grace of God while you're in that moment, and put a script of your past of something pleasant, of how you've grown from it, how you've benefitted from it; how now you can take all the knowledge of all the things that have gone wrong in your life and help others to not go down that path, and the things that have gone right to extend that knowledge by the grace of God just because you want to help others and the feeling you get from helping others. Those kind of things take pride and rearranging into becoming a state of humility, by realizing today I help people, today I want to grow spiritually. I live to live a better life. I want to live in a world where it keeps getting better all the time, where I don't think it can get any better and God comes along and just blows it away. That's the script that we want to refer to when we look about who we are and what we're capable of, when we catch that pride in reverse. To take that code of conduct, that code that we live by, just by the nature of being involved in the program of recovery or a way of life that says do good in this world, be a good person, do the right things, and the right things will happen to you in life. That's the script we have to refer to today when we think of those things.
Have fun with this one, it's really good to learn to love ourselves. The art of self love is not one fell swoop, it's in multiple areas, and this area here can really learn how to nurture ourselves, where we used to tear ourselves down at a real core level and not share with anyone. We have to nurture ourselves with the grace of God at the core level.
Much love,
KC