January 11th 2010
Step 3 of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous refers to “the hole in the doughnut…”
It is the description of a feeling that we encounter when we’re fighting somebody or something, and there’s a feeling that we’re not being heard or we’re going to be cut out. The chief application here is that, when we’re trying to embrace a new way of life, and manifest a positive psychic change, there must be a period of time where we would have to completely disengage from Self Will. The best parable description that fits this concept would be “it is in dying that we are reborn”.
So, this our problem, it is when we feel that we’re going to be the hole in the doughnut… That we’re going to be forgotten cut out and become a nonentity in life, a relationship or some circumstance…
The problem in life with this drive is that in order to have any temporary satisfaction, you must have an expression of Self, in every situation, which of course drives the people around us nuts. We become an obstacle in nearly every situation… What this means is, let’s say that we are caught up in a personal relationship discussion, and the relationship status has been primarily focused on the other person. When this happens, the feeling of becoming a nonentity represents itself in our relationship and we begin to seek expression or focus on our self… So along with the preexisting problems, another one has been added… What about me? Where do I come in? These thoughts, coupled with the feelings they create start to bolster egotism and begin to seek expression in a negative way… This is that therapeutic concept of: If I can’t get any good attention, I’ll do things wrong and get bad attention.
This is when the juggernaut of Self Will makes us very difficult people to be around. The juggernaut of Self-Will is when the self gets together with ego and only wants to speak in a negative way to gain attention… Remember, we’re not talking about the whole identity of Self Will; we’re only talking about the hole in the doughnut of Self Will. This example is for the purpose of relating to the feeling that happens when we feel like we’re being left out…
This specific of the hole in the doughnut also can be related to the feeling of working hard for a promotion and not getting it. There can be a multitude of reasons why we didn’t get the promotion, but if the juggernaut of Self Will steps in and thinks that it’s getting walked over, and we react. We create in our minds, backed with an immense amount of negative emotions, what we are going to say to the boss, to let them know that we will not stand for this… This is when we begin to make critical mistakes, because usually the way we will demonstrate this is to become destructive at work… Maybe not by walking in and raging but more by the cold-shoulder, the lack of willingness to do what we’re told… Smart mouthing, talking back, or by being defiant, which would lead to termination or to the ultimate outburst of “I quit.” This is the subtlety of the hole in the doughnut feeling… Imagine how many times in our life, we have acted in the juggernaut of Self Will, only to destroy something once again and live in total regret and remorse for the way we thought and acted.
Back to the relationship, what starts to happen here is similar to what would happen at work? It’s obvious what the sequence of destruction would be based on the previous description… Most of us human beings have been riddled with this dysfunction all of our lives… So it has become instinctual to behave this way… Therefore, the only treatment would have to be a complete removal of Self for a period of time… What this means in the bigger picture is that we go with the flow no matter what, we don’t argue with anybody or anything… This is the best overall application I have found to remove Self… Which means I walk throughout my day, I go where everyone else wants to go, I flow where everyone else wants to flow… This I do over and over and over again, and by this process I start to develop an awareness of how to disengage with Self and what it feels like. I personally think that this principle in the beginning of a life change must remain primary, in terms of conscious focus for a minimum of one year. Remember the removal of Self is not going to happen just because you want it to… It takes application of the principal over and over again until it becomes automatic… This means the spiritual principle of removing the bondage of self, goes from your head to your heart and becomes apart of who you are. You are a new character being built by spiritual principles in a specific order form…
This is the formula to convert information into knowledge for any principle and can work for anyone to create whatever your heart desires. Again, that is to apply a principle of whatever it is you are trying to learn… You must think about it over and over again until you find yourself doing it without having to think about it anymore. That is the mastery of change.
The most critical element in this formula of application is the cosmic universal power that must be invited into each and every principle application. So if we find ourselves having these thoughts of “What about me, and where’s mine, and how much longer do I have to wait, and I always get the short end of the stick…” we remember our commitment to our soul’s desire for a true psychic change, to be happily and usefully whole, and to be free from the bondage of Self… Now we bring in the simple concept and principle to manifest this change to go with flow and stop arguing with everybody and everything until we find ourselves doing this without having to think about it…
In this application do not forget the key that unlocks this door is willingness… Willingness is something done without reluctance… This is a description of true change when we find ourselves applying this principle of going with the flow and not resisting anybody or anything… Without having to think about it… That’s when we know we have taken a principle of information and transformed into a part of the knowledge of our new character.
Much love,
K.C.
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Photo Credit: Jamie Harris