Wednesday, June 2, 2010
How shall this pass, too?
What is the application of “this too shall pass?’ We’re looking for the one reason why it is the way it is.
I am the way I am for a multitude of reasons. The magnitude of countless moments counteracted with countless principles. When I comply my heart’s not in it… That’s been my whole life.
I’ve got to stop validating my opinion by a group of people not in the room. What am I really hanging onto other than the misery I brought here? You can’t come from injury to get a solution…
This too will always pass if i remember to push the pause button. My compliance is always and instant knee jerk reaction. Every default sparks right up unless I remember that it’s ok to breath, count to 10, pause as long as I need to, even if I have to say “Let’s discuss this tomorrow”. When I actually follow that advice things do pass in a more peaceful and cohesive way. It feels as though when I pause I open the door for my Higher Power to jump in and stand with me. From that pause on I can feel guided through a peaceful passage.
I have had a question that’s been nagging me for some time. Your topic has made me expose another layer of it. I have found that I still find myself complying automatically to people almost without hesitation. Then many times I realize that it was not at all what I wanted to do. Years of reacting to others expectations still has an invisble grip on me. I will now ask my Higher Power to remove this warped instinct this deep seeded need for validation that still haunts me now and then. Now I feel I know what to pray for more clearly.
Thank you for stirring my little grey cells a little bit more. Miss you all and can’t wait to visit soon. ~love from Oregon
I relate to the need for validation and approval from others. My whole life I asked everyone else how I was doing, feeling, looking. I tried to be perfect: have a “perfect” mind, body, face, clothes, etc. I believed that if I could look ok, than I was ok. I was trapped in a false and empty place. I couldn’t connect with my Higher Power, Self, or feel my own soul. I felt worthless and confused. I worshipped substances that would alter my mind because I was so afraid to face anything real. Real, historically, hurt me.
The first level of relief I found from this “hopeless state of mind and body” was when I put the drink down. As I worked on having a Conscious Contact, I began to value less of what “you” thought of me and more of what my Higher Power thought and wanted for me. It was the first time I ever conceded that perhaps I was the cause of my own misery. Who knew?
Today I pray and ask my HP what I can do today to do his will for me. The always leads me to service, prayer & meditation.
Being human and recovering (meaning it is an ongoing process, I still fall into misery and discomfort at times. But today since I have some positive experience in going to the solution instead of staying in the problem, I instinctively know that “this too shall pass.” But it is not going to pass unless I get into action and not wallow in the negativity. I am a good wallower. That was very hard for me to change my default mode. I am still learning; will always be learning.
Thank you HP for loving me and teaching to accept and love myself.
Looking forward to the meeting Weds.
~Jasmine