Character Assassination
If you find yourself character assassinating someone, stop in the middle, and turn it around to the positive. (What is it about me that feels vulnerable or less than, not feeling good about myself?)
If you walk around and you see other people misbehave or they are walking around and you’re witnessing people being disorderly, you’re like, “oh my god, that person’s making a total fool of themselves, oh my god that person is displaying such terrible behavior; they look like a jerk, they look like a terrible human being.” We don’t realize that, that’s us, without God, that’s me without a way of life. If I can see it that way, it kind of frees me from the damage, or being concerned that it’s about me, because it’s about them; everyone has to go their own path. I have to watch other people be in dysfunction, and not feel as though it’s going to hurt me, but learn from it and not have to enter that type of character, by recognizing it in other people without judgement. Only for the purpose of, “man, if I’m not with God that’s how I can behave.” What do I act like when I’m completely off my rocker or I’m doing my dysfunctional stuff, or I’m not n the right page and everyone else is, or I’m on a different page? What do I look like, do I look that same way? I do, that’s me, and that’s why I learn from that, knowing I don’t want to go into that character anymore. I can learn from other people’s dysfunction, without judging them, have empathy for them, without feeling superior in any way; but recognize that’s what I get like, without God, or my Creator, or a way of life. If I’m without a code of conduct, I can enter into what I’m seeing as a barbaric state. The barbaric state is relative because my barbaric state may look different, but in reality it’s still self-will operating before me, and I’m saying ” man this person is totally messed up, but I have to remember that I get messed up too.” That’s what it means to judge not. Don’t judge it because in judging it you’re disconnecting to it, instead of connecting to it, and being humble enough to know that’s exactly who I can be. Then, I don’t judge it but I don’t have to put up with it either, that’s the funny part. When I connect with it, I don’t judge it, but I don’t let it trample over me either. I will completely say, “no, don’t bring that to me. I will stop it, it empowers me to have a choice to not interact with it, but at the same time I won’t dance around it either because there’s no fear anymore. I realize that’s me in dysfunction, so if you’re in dysfunction, I’m not even going to deal with you now. I’ll talk to you when you quiet down.” I can totally disconnect and control it. It sounds mean, but I’m just not allowing for self to come out, and people think that I’m being cold when they shut that off or they overpower that and tell someone, “let’s not go there, that’s enough you don’t have to tell me anymore; I get exactly what you’re saying.
Don’t let someone keep feeding that fuel of “I’ve been wronged, or this is wrong; you can actually stop them because you’re witnessing it’s you. You can tell them it’s not doing any good to look at what’s wrong, let’s look at the solution, and change direction for them. What do you want to do about it? Now that we’ve concluded that, where do you want to go with it? Have someone change paths by your ability to disconnect to it but also by your ability to connect to it. It can be me without God, but with God I don’t need to let it hurt me either, and I can defend myself from it; or redirect it into, “ok, so now what’s the solution?” Now, I’m objective and I can quiet them down from my quiet, my understanding. I can even relate and say, “when I get in self-will….” Nothing better slows people down than when you talk about what you’re like when you’re dysfunctional. If I can talk to you about what I get like when I’m dysfunctional, what my mind tells me, what my actions can become, and you’re in dysfunction, you might say, “oh really.” See that’s that alcoholic connection, so in connecting to that deeper, inner truth, in you, that’s what breeds connection. That’s why Alcoholics Anonymous works, people think other alcoholics understand; but in reality, what it is, is we’re able to articulate and talk about something that happens inside of us that we didn’t think other people understood, the voice speaking to us have that drink, get that drug. When someone else says, “the voice,” you say, “wow, you hear that voice too?” There’s a connection on a deep level that you don’t seem to have with other people. That’s why one alcoholic working with another one is so powerful, because you’re talking to the voice that others can hear; but, other people in the world who aren’t alcoholics can’t hear that voice, but you can describe it and talk about it, which binds AA. Really what’s bonding human beings is being able to talk about what’s going on in our minds.
Have fun,
Much love,
KC
P.S. The woman’s meeting on Monday, March 25, 2013 will be held at Shiela’s house:
12057 Havana Ave., Sylmar, CA. 91342 Any questions or directions call Shiela at 818-522-9447 Hope to see all the woman there!