Have you ever noticed that just when things seem to be going well, something inside you starts waiting for it to fall apart? A relationship is good and you think, “This won’t last.” A project succeeds and you brace for the other shoe to drop. Things go smoothly on the drive to work and you think, “Something bad is going to happen today.” This is one of the most insidious patterns a human being can develop: becoming more comfortable with things going wrong than with things going right.
When Waiting for the Worst Becomes a Way of Life
Throughout recovery and growth, many of us deal with that feeling — “the carpet is going to get pulled out from under me.” As you look deeper and deeper into the layers of your life and at that feeling, you discover it permeates every area. You get in the car and worry it is going to break down. In a relationship, things are going good and then “Is this about to change?” Things are going well at work and then something goes slightly wrong — and suddenly the fear is back.
We build a pattern like that on such a deep level, consistently over and over again. Throughout your day you are waiting for something to go wrong. You get into expectations of the way you want things to go, and when they do not go that way you feel fooled again. You put your heart in it and you were burned again.
Looking for Signs That the Day Will Go Wrong
You can get that feeling in your morning driving pattern: “It is usually fast now but today it is crowded. I am going to have a bad day!” We look for signs in our life that are going to indicate whether the day is going to go good or bad — instead of recognizing that a Way of Life allows us to live so that everything is transformed into an asset, even if it is unpleasant. We ultimately learn that we will grow from it, so there is no more “wrong” or “bad.”
Everything can be transcended into an asset. Like when someone dies — you think you will never get over it. Then the day comes where you have not forgotten them, but you are not in so much pain about it anymore. Things have changed. It has transformed. So ultimately, no matter what the experience, no matter how “bad” it seems in any one moment of life, one day you will get to the point of: “It was what it was, and now what? Now what am I going to do with it?” Because no longer do we have to run around and feel like that is just the way it is always going to feel.
In a way of life, when you have that feeling of “the carpet getting pulled out from under you,” you have to treat it.
The Ultimate Twist: False Dependency on Things Going Wrong
We need to develop an awareness of what that feeling is inside of us — the feeling of walking through life looking for some sign that things are going to go the wrong way. And we need to stop letting our minds find a sign and then back it with emotion and go flat. We create a false dependency on something and then fear it will go away. We become falsely dependent on everything — and in a strange, perverted way, become falsely dependent on things going wrong.
That is the ultimate twist. When we are more inclined to think that the carpet is going to get pulled out from under us — even way before it might happen — we cannot handle anything good because the minute things get good, we start to think the carpet will get pulled out. That is a painful place to live from.
Getting out of it is something we can do, one day at a time — one application at a time.
What to Say When the Fear Arises
When we think the carpet is about to get pulled, we say: “I cannot wait for the next great thing to happen according to the grace of God in my life.” We reframe the anticipation. Instead of bracing for loss, we practice expecting grace.
In God’s world, when you do not think it can get any better — as long as you stay with God and trust in God — it keeps getting better all the time. Anything is possible in God’s world and you can transcend anything into an asset. The pattern of expecting the worst is not a fixed feature of who you are. It is a learned response, and it can be unlearned. One day, one moment, one conscious reframe at a time.
- Waiting for things to fall apart is a learned pattern — one so deep it can color even small moments like traffic or a good conversation
- When everything becomes a potential sign of a bad day, you are looking for evidence of collapse rather than grace
- Every experience, no matter how painful, is eventually transformable into an asset — that is the promise of a spiritual way of life
- False dependency on things going wrong is the ultimate inversion: you become so accustomed to loss that you cannot enjoy goodness
- The antidote: when the fear of “the carpet being pulled” arises, reframe it — “I cannot wait to see what good God has next for my life”
- Trust is not naive optimism; it is a trained discipline of expecting grace rather than bracing for loss
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