There is a point in the slide toward depression where reaching out for help feels impossible. Not difficult. Impossible. The very act of picking up the phone and calling someone — which is the one thing that could help — feels like climbing a mountain you no longer have the strength to climb. The key is to learn to recognize you are heading toward that point long before you arrive there. Because before you reach it, you still have the strength to reach out. And that is when reaching out matters most.
Learning to Recognize Your Personal Warning Signs
We all have our own “hole” that we can fall into. As we are falling into this hole, a sense of fatigue starts to set in. We are tired all the time. It is a processing of unfolding in a negative way. So it can be really hard to see when we start to fall into depression.
We have to start looking for telltale signs and have our own landmarks of when we are starting to go the wrong direction. What are your own characteristics? Maybe you stop talking to certain people, stop calling friends, stop going out. You feel anti-social. You sleep more. You do not smile as much. You have a general lack of energy. You get sick more often. These are patterns. These can be ominous signs that we have to become aware of so that we can reach out for help while we still can.
The Line You Must Not Cross Alone
There is a point where we cross from sadness into depression — a point where we cannot reach out for help because we cannot rouse that kind of energy. We do not even want to hear someone say, “Get up, pick yourself up!” We do not even want to make the call even though we know we should, because we have entered into our hole. There is a point where many people get caught up in isolation and then deep depression injures them on a severe level.
This can be bypassed by developing awareness of where that line is — the line we cross where we think we cannot be helped. So we find our landmarks of when we are going into that hole, and we make a commitment to reach out before we cross it.
If you are reading this right now and you are in that hole, reach out and get out. Someday, you are going to be out of your depression and it is not going to be so bad. Why not today? Why wait? If that time is going to arrive where you are going to want to work for happiness again, get up and get things done — why not today? If you are in a deep hole, call someone. Tell them what is going on. That is the way you get out. The liberation comes from breaking the isolation.
What Getting Out Looks Like
The most important thing about this application is becoming aware of when we are falling into that hole before we get too far in. Reach out for help. That is why we need others — and others need us. Other people need to know we have hard times, also. We cannot be perfect all the time, so do not let your ego get in the way. Know where this place is in you. Self-explore and recognize what behavior is an indication that you are spiraling downward.
Other people can offer solutions that we are too deep in the hole to find for ourselves. Always have a list of people to call. The reason we can stay in depression for so long is that we allow ourselves to cross that line of thinking that we are not able to reach out for help. And when we get that help, we cannot hear it because we have taken ourselves so far down.
We are learning to recognize when we are getting to the point of crossing a line into a hole by observing our behavior. A sad state can get worse by not taking action while it is not yet severe. We are learning the patterns of taking ourselves down, and learning to lift ourselves back up.
A Simple Practice That Works
If you are in a state of sadness right now, take this discipline and follow this direction: write down all the stuff that is good in your life. Every day, all day. Make a conscious effort to think about things you love about your life, the good things that are in it. Do this for one week and watch if you do not feel better at the end of the week.
No matter what your mind tells you, no matter how much you think it is not helping, just do it. Keep doing it. Keep thinking about only the things you care about. Connect to it emotionally — do not just think about it, but connect to it with energy. Emotion is energy. Use your energy to connect to the good things in your life. Even if it is one thing, find it and focus your energy on it for one whole day. Call someone and tell that person about the good things that are in your life. And when you get up and out, learn to recognize how you got there so you can be aware and stop yourself from ever going there again.
- There is a point in depression where reaching out feels impossible — the goal is to reach out before you get there
- Know your personal warning signs: withdrawal, low energy, poor sleep, loss of humor, frequent illness — these are your landmarks
- The liberation from depression comes from breaking the isolation, not from waiting until you feel ready
- Other people can see solutions from outside the hole that you cannot see from inside it — that is why you need them
- A one-week discipline of writing down only the good things in your life — and sharing them aloud — can begin to shift the spiral
- Once you get out, study how you got there so you can catch yourself earlier next time
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