February 2, 2010
Close personal relationships… Communication…
(Especially the romantic kind, so tune into what you are reading.)
I found, for me, that learning to communicate properly in close personal relationships is the key to life and happiness. Unfortunately telling someone like your mate or your spouse how you feel can equate into trying to describe Einstein’s theory of relativity…
In your relationships, when communicating, try to distinguish the difference between your feelings and your thoughts, because when bad thoughts about your partner become feelings nothing but bad can come from those conclusions… Like… “I think ____ is cheating on me, I can feel it.” This is a thought, not a feeling. But think about what happens to you when you say, “I feel like_____ is cheating on me.” Whether he/she is or not, when you say you feel it then the universe lets you feel it. I hope this example will give insight to so many other possible thoughts that could hurt or even destroy your relationship…
You do not want to attach certain emotions to thoughts until they are proven to be true.
So today’s thought-life connection is about learning to tell the difference between a thought and a feeling. The best way to do this is when all of a sudden you notice you have entered into a talk about your relationship… You create some rules of engagement, so to speak…
Rule (1) The first one to talk has to make sure the other is okay with the talk… If not, then a reasonable time should be set within 24 hours if the issue is important to the other…
Rule (2) When you relay your feelings or thoughts about the topic there is no interrupting. Let the person say what they have to say and let you know when they are done talking… Then the person listening must relay back what they heard the other say… Most of the time what you think you are saying is not being heard thus most of what you are hearing is not what is actually being said…
Rule (3) Clarify over and over if you have to, after the other party has said yes, that you have, in fact, heard what they were saying… Then it is your turn to respond to, in fact, what was actually said.
Once you apply these simple rules you will discover how much you have been misreading each other by miscommunication and never really being able to hear what your partner has been saying the whole time… Something amazing happens when you can relay back to someone what they have said to you… The amazing thing that happens is your partner starts to realize that you do know them and they know you… When you feel like someone understands you it’s really easy to stay calm and talk things out… This tool works to slow conversations down and give us insight to our feelings and teach us the ability to describe precisely what we are feeling… Also by the “no interruption” rule… Even if what you think they’re saying is not true… No Interrupting… No Exceptions…
Have fun with this and watch your communication flower… This works in every area of your life, too… Think about work and having the ability to relay back the first time to your clients or boss what you heard them say…
Much Love
K.C.
I truly understand what is being said here! Years ago, I would not have! When I was first introduced introduced to you and Primetime by my sponsor Bill G, I was also introduced to Dr. Pat Allen and have become a dedicated student of her and the principles she teaches….It changed my life in my relationships and God brought into my life an amazing woman who is now my wife! Loving relationships and the art of communication has made me a better person today…EVERYTHING begins with a thought! Be aware of your thoughts for they become your words, beware of your words for they become your actions, beware of your actions for they become your character, and beware of your charcter for it becomes your destiny!